“Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue.”
Bernie Bickerstaff, former NBA basketball coach.
Bernie Bickerstaff, former NBA basketball coach.
The 2012-13 NBA season from A-to-Z:
A. Carmelo Anthony may be the worst superstar in the history of any sport. His major asset is also his major liability, and that’s his shot selection. Melo is like an L.A. police officer you may be happy you called, but you may regret what happens after they show up.
B. Chris Bosh would’ve gotten my vote for the first openly gay player and I won’t back off that one unless Jason Collins gets married during this year's playoffs.
C. The Chicago Bulls have totally destroyed my theory that athletes are over-paid.
D. Devon Williams and Dwight Howard make lesson C irrelevant.
E. Brooklyn’s Reggie Evans just goes to show that the prison work release program does have some redeeming values.
F. When Raymond Felton is the best player on a 2nd round playoff team you have to believe that Syracuse alums Sherman Douglas and Pearl Washington are home saying “I told you Twinkies weren’t the real issue.”
G. Why does Blake Griffin have more commercials than LeBron James?
H. Dwight Howard and Barry Bonds have the same fitness trainer. I’m just sayin’.
I. Ten years ago if I said name the “A.I.” superstar from Philly, who would’ve guessed Andre Iguodala would be a more relevant guess?
J. JR Smith is like an old condom, you know there is a high probability that it won’t work when you need it, but the alternative doesn’t feel any better.
K. If Michael Kidd-Gilchrist is your “go-to” guy the Michael that drafted him needs to be fired.
L. Jeremy Lin jerseys are about as rare as a negative pregnancy test at a Kardashian family reunion.
M. Did the Spurs really sign Tracey McGrady? The next shot you hear may be coming from a Pearl Washington “handle”.
N. Raise your hand if you still think Steve Nash deserved to be a two-time MVP?
O. Lamar Odom is known for his outstanding court vision, yet the first time he went to court he married a Kardashian not named Kim.
P. Paul Pierce may be a first ballot Hall of Fame candidate but that doesn’t make him any less of an ass-hole.
Q. Will ESPN just Que the commercial break music whenever Magic Johnson starts his analysis? Please.
R. I’m not sure whose agent I’d rather be now: Rajon Rondo’s or Derrick Rose's
S. Shaq is the poster child for staying in school and leaving early.
T. Do you think when the parents of the Sacramento Kings guard Isaiah Thomas named their son after the former Piston great they thought he’d be an ass too?
U. Udonis Haslem has one of those Soul Train Scrabble Board names that could have a couple at the board until Don Cornelius retired.
V. If it weren’t for the international players there wouldn’t be a single player in the NBA whose last name begins with V… and I’m not sure that is a victory worth celebrating.
W. I’m not sure if I would rather be Russell Westbrook’s agent of Dwayne Wade’s wife’s divorce attorney. Either way, both players take the most ill-advised shots, one on the court and the other off of it.
X. Former Knick Xavier McDaniel was asked about the physical play in this year’s playoffs and he said Emit Smith is by far the best he ever seen. The reporter had to remind him that was ABC’s “other” sport-related program, Dancing with the Stars.
Y. The Sixers’ Thaddeus Young sounds much too important to be playing basketball.
Z. Tyler Zeller is so white that if he lit a cigar in Stone Mountain you would think Klu Klux Klan got new uniforms.
