“The most essential ingredient in politics is sincerity and the sooner you learn to fake it, the more successful you’ll be.”
DEAR BARACK:
What’s going on man, this is Ray Lewis. Nah, not that one, but that’s funny though. I am far from the Ravens’ Ray, in fact, the last time I was in a limo (of any kind) was to bury my Aunt Vicky who raised me like one of her own sons. You see, Barack that’s how black folks are doing it in these parts. You may want to mention that to the bias media jockin’ you and Tiger, while clutching their purse when I get in the elevator. Oddly, this floral love fest with you is not just the media.
If my Aunt Vic was still here I am sure she would love you too. She would be no different than the slave ships of black folks that “pledge their allegiance” to you as well. Barack can you believe that one brotha told me that you were The Chosen One. Yep, just like Gandhi, Martin or well, you know Who. For the life of me Barack, I cannot figure out why my people feel so strongly about a man they hardly know, yet half of these same people don’t even speak to their neighbors. I am really puzzled by that, hence this letter to you. Barack, I simply want to know What Will Obama Do? I hope you don’t mind me calling you Barack.., after all, I hear your name mentioned so much in my circles I should probably call you dad.
When I am done I hope that you have the "audacity" to answer some burning questions that I have and (questions) your rock star-like fan base have a difficult time articulating (at least to my satisfaction). Sometimes, Barack these community forum debates— that border on civil disturbances—get so ugly that I have to walk away.
For example, one day I was in the barbershop and asked this hypothetical question:
What if Obama is a sly product of Karl Rove’s twisted, yet extremely effective, political strategy to keep “their man” (who just happens to look like one of us) in the Oval Office? I thought it was a fair question—one that I’d be curious to hear about your retort. Nevertheless, the barber I posed the question to called me Willie Lynch!! Can you believe that? Between you and me I knew he read about Willie Lynch from a car flyer the week before, but I was still almost offended. I was happy that he used his prior week’s street knowledge to mount his weak defense. After all, Barack, for some of us flyers are the only true form of education we have. I hope you address that on your road to the riches.
BACK AT THE SHOP
At this point it didn’t even matter that the barber didn’t know who Karl Rove was. But that’s what I am trying to tell you, Barack; I haven’t seen this much defense since the O.J. trial. In this barbershop it is now harder to find an O.J. supporter than it is to find a monogamous governor. Did you ever think that the annual Freaknik Fest would’ve moved from the Atlanta city streets to mayor and governor’s offices in New York? This CHANGE you speak about has many subplots, huh? As I digress.
Barack, how’s the wife doing? I ask because (at times) it seems like this campaigning is really getting to her.
I know she is strong and no matter what happens she's already elevated the First Lady's dress code. But take a minute and find out for me how she’s doing. Never mind us, Barack take care of her. Michelle seems cool to me. Anyway, man I know you are are busy so I am going to wrap it up soon, but I have a few more really important questions to ask. Is that okay with you?
After you announced that you were officially running for office… how did you get the security detail from the alphabet bureau – headed by Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff? Are you telling me the same Michael Chertoff (who was then Head of FEMA) and stood idle as black folks were washed ashore during hurricane Katrina is now in the business of protecting black folk’s lives? Come Barack, talk to me. If you don't want to answer that one, please tell me how Chertoff got a promotion after the genocide in Katrina? This change is really confusing me, man.
I also want to know, why you keep telling people that you are going to pull the troops out of Iraq and America still occupies every single war region that was fought by our military. Every one. If you win the nomination, please don’t play that card with McCain. He only looks stupid. I know he is a republican, but you may want to two-way Colin should that debate arise.
Can you please tell me what is going to happen to the people (like me) that simply refuse to put the V-Chip in their arm?
I am curious why do we need new borders in Mexico and not Canada? I know it has to be way more complicated than Mexicans look like you and Canadians look more like the Kennedy’s? Talk to me man, becuase secretly, Barack I am rooting for you. Just don't tell my people in the shop, becuase debating with them about you means more CNN and less BET and I can't thank you enough for that. FYI: Bob Johnson is an ass isn't he? You know, if you look real close at Chelsea Clinton's kinky hair...
Seriously though, I hear that banks are gearing up for the market collapse. Did you hear that? Once the currency fails, the government will institute the long-awaited Point System, so they can LITERARILY track every financial move made in the country. So, if you are not in the system you are done. And, if you are in the “system” you are really finished. Talk to me, man cause the people in the shop are voting because you are black and articulate. Personally, that offends me more than the Willie Lynch comment.
Finally, man, if Karl’s Klan is not behind you and you win the nomination, I will be the second to congratulate you after Michelle. However, if the market collapses, the troops stay in Iraq, and gas hits $6 dollars a gallon – all on your watch in the Oval Office, do you think many black or white people will remember your DNC speech?
I know the staff at the Cash N’ Carry barbershops won’t remember, because with this pending Points System implementation cash-only businesses will be the first to go.
On your trip to the White House., you may want to holla at them...
They'll need a change.
'Assalamu Alaikum
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1 love,
Ray Lewis
